The new year brings new beginnings. New hope. A new shot at life.
As we step into 2020, I’m focusing on our men.
This may feel like a bit of a surprise, but this is about claiming and healing the lineage that was passed down to me. We’re talking generational shit here.
This is about our bloodline.
My father was a street man and I am a street girl.
Let me be clear when I say “street” – I don’t mean like “hip-hop music” street, I mean sleeping on hot air grates with newspaper over my body, picking food out of the trashcan street. Eating only the “good” parts without cockroaches or maggots… that’s the kind of street I am talking about.
And my father, he was not a nice person, he was a street man, he was a gangster, a hustler, a pimp, he was all of that.
He was an imperfect person—really imperfect—like so many of our men are.
But he loved me.
He wanted me.
He keeps me alive.
That’s got to count for something.
As I have been adapting the Raw Truth book into the play, I have been being with how we turn men into the enemy and use children punishment for failing. My birth mother, Momma, was so hurt and angry because he didn’t come see her in jail (long story, it’s in the play) she MOVED from NYC to Baltimore to make sure he NEVER saw the child he stopped her from aborting.
We villainize our men… but THEY were hurt TOO.
I know some brothers, amazing men, who have been molested by women and never told their stories because getting pussy is considered an accomplishment not a violation when you are underage.
Slavery, Apartheid, Trail of Tears, Hiroshima—any historical cultural trauma—the men have been raped, whipped and murdered too.
But we don’t count their lashes.
We don’t even acknowledge their wounds—unless they lash out at us. #realtalkhere
I don’t know my daddy.
Maybe that’s real for you too.
Or maybe you do know him but were hurt by something he did or didn’t do. Just because a father is in the home doesn’t mean he is emotionally available.
My point is this: your relationship with men and money (we will talk about that at the Wealth Workshop on tour) is directly linked to your relationship with your father.
Died. Alive. Dead beat or awesome.
Like it or not, YOU are your father’s daughter. #keepbreathing
I believe our fundamental relationships with our fathers and mothers shape all of our relationships. Either we react to our parents or we emulate them. We try so hard NOT to be them, we come them. Or we marry them. #justthem
It’s either empowering or disempowering.
And even if you think you didn’t have a relationship with your father or mother I promise, there is generational pain in that hole, sis, in that absence.
Check out the live. Here are some points I explored that may feed you:
1. EVERY WOMAN has a relationship to men rooted in her relationship with her father, good, bad, or ugly.
2. I learned early on you have to give to get. A girl child is not always protected. And I don’t know if my father had been around if things would have been different, but what I know is this …
A father(who takes on the role as an identity) gives for free. A father’s social contract, their job, is to be accountable for those they call their own.
I have spent over 30 years tending to my mother’s pain, generational and cultural pain. In 2020 I am taking on honoring my father’s protection by standing for my life.
I am choosing to heal so deeply I can hold BOTH of their wounds and love them like God loves me.
By so doing, I set myself free to fulfill my destiny.
I am my father’s daughter.
I am imperfect AND I have a destiny to fulfill. As do YOU.
Dig into the real deal here — > (jump to approx. 15:13 in the video and watch until 35:00 – watch the whole thing, but these time stamps will help you get to the “meat” if you’re pressed for time)
I love you,
P.S. Truth Tellers, 2020 is YOUR year, it’s our year.
There’s more to come on this topic so stay close.
If you resonated with this take two actions, right now…
1. Reply to this email with what struck you and what you want more of.
2. Join me LIVE. The Raw Truth Book+ Tour kicks off in 16 days.