Do you have more faith in fear or God?
It’s a fair question. Here’s how to discern the answer: are you more focused on Trump’s shenanigans or God’s power? Are you worrying, stressing, or anxious about money, COVID-19, Police killing us, or the upcoming election?
Or are you resting in God?
Where you put your attention is how you worship. Think about it. When you are present to the love of God, it casts out all fear of every kind. You walk in peace and stay in gratitude. You feel happiness even joy—when the circumstances don’t look remotely good. That’s worship as a lifestyle. I’m not talking about “peak” experience like Sunday church service, an old school revival or a conference like Megafest. I’m talking about your faith walk. You worship God in the way you live your life.
Your life is the only Bible many people in your life will ever read.
So if you are beige watching the news, or hating Trump for his actions/non-action, or bemoaning the state of the world, you are pouring all of you energy, focus, attention, emotions, thinking, and speaking to a false God.
I know because I did it.
I was so devastated when George Floyd was executed in front of the world so casually, I was triggered and went right into survival mode. I ate the News and social media tweets like it was junk food: no restraint just reactionary consumption.
Then I started to dance with it.
Then I started to imagine worse case scenarios.
I stopped sleeping.
I stop eating.
My PTSD was on high alert and my Anxiety Disorder has me short of breath with chest pains and racing thoughts.
I felt helpless.
I have felt this level of despair when my mother put me out on the streets as a teen and I had to figure out how to stay alive. Then, like now, I did what I knew to do.
Listening and dwelling in Spirit, I realized I had more faith in Trump’s White Supremacy than God’s love for me. God has never left me or forsaken me. Not when I was on the streets and not today. So I deep-dived into my Spiritual practices: reading the Bible (I’m rereading the New Testament via The Message), sitting quietly at my alter and listening deeply; gospel music, sermons via tapes or YourTube. And praying without ceasing.
The more I sought after God, the more peace took me up in her loving arms and sooth my terrified soul.
I realized the same God that saved me from a life of vicious violence, addiction, and violations would NEVER forsake me. God has never left me. He has been with me through it all. Since before I was born when he had my father stop my mother from aborting.
When I put my focus on remembering God’s love, I realized I had been worshiping Trump’s insanity. And I had to choose: faith or fear? I couldn’t have both. I REFUSE to allow Trump to destroy my faith. No.
As I put my focus on God’s proven love for me, fear left me. God can take Trump. Trump is not bigger than God. So I don’t get to fear a man.
A white man.
A White Supremest.
Trump. Is. Not. My. God.
So I do not get to worship him with my fear.
I get to activate my faith and remember who the fuck I am.
I am God wrapped in flesh.
I am the head and not the tail.
I am God’s beloved in whom He is well please.
I am God’s favorite.
I am an old testament chick living in a new testament world.
I am God’s hands and feet.
I am the love of God manifested.
I am God’s power, personified.
Simply put: I’m my father’s daughter.
Crafted in is image and likeness.
Endowed with His power.
God holds me and keeps me. Always has and always will.
My God is a gangsta.
God fights my battles. The battle against White Supremacy was never mine. It’s always been God’s.
So I give it back to God.