I just finished Genesis 48-50 and my heart is moved deeply.
The level of honor Joseph showed his father, Jacob, by honoring his wishes for his burial. The depth of grace Joseph gifted his brothers, who attacked, betrayed and sold him into slavery, after their father’s transition.
I am so petty.
I want to exact justice on actions that feel unfair and malicious to me. I blame others for reacting to my words and actions, relating like I deserve to be understood.
I am wrong.
MY WORDS do have impact.
Forgive me Lord for my arrogance.
I hurt people who trusted me with their dreams. I don’t always consider if they are ready or capable of hearing what I have to to say. It’s all about me and my truth.
Please Lord, heal me from all the malicious unfairness I have experienced, so I can stop being a magnet for it showing up in my life.
EVERYTHING in my life you allow me to see, may it mature my character so I may be worthy of being your hands and feet.
Forgive me Lord.
You are enlarging my territory for you.
Everything meant for others intended harm, you intended for good through me. Just as Joseph’s brothers betrayed him, you made him the leader of Egypt when it was most needed. You took Joseph through the paces just as you have me.
You have purified and refined my heart so I can speak to your People from experience, a space of love and profound grace.
Heal my heart Lord.
Make me worthy of your love.
I am so not worthy of you.
Your cover over my life.
I have no idea why you would choose someone as wounded, broken, damaged, and fucked up as me.
I don’t understand you Lord.
And yet you keep opening doors for me.
You keep revealing yourself to me.
You keep drawing me closer and closer to You.
To your heart.
And you keep loving me.
I do not deserve your love.
I have done nothing good in my life.
Except loved you with my whole heart.
I have tried and failed to keep your commandments.
And I will fail again.
But this I promise you my Lord:
I will love you with EVERYTHING that I am until the day I die.
I will listen to you and do what you tell me to do with this raggedy ass life.
And I will ALWAYS put you first.
NOTHING is more important to me than you God.
You. Are. My. God.
You kept me alive on the streets.
You made me a millionaire.
You got me through Stanford.
You healed my soul.
I feel you moving again.
I feel you ordering my steps.
I go where you lead.
I leave behind all that is not your will for my life.
Thank you for choosing me.
A street urchin you chose to love.
Help me love others the way you love me Lord.
Let your love shine through me and heal what only you can.
I love you Lord.
My life is your life.
I belong to you on every level.
In every dimension.
I roll with you God.
And I am eternally grateful that YOU are my God.
In Jesus name.
So be it.
So it is.