I have “Black girl booty.” If you get that gap in the back of your jeans because your bum bum curves back and out plus you have a small waist, you understand my pain.
But here’s the truth: I feel shame.
Do you ever feel shame for things that weren’t your fault?
Please don’t judge me…
Body shame and body-shaming is not just for big girls. ANY woman who does not fit the EVER-CHANGING standards of beauty falls victim and internalizes them. To our own detriment.
Hear me out…
Recording artist Lizzo is unapologetically old, beautiful, and plus size. She has won Grammys, been in movies, and inked her own deal with Netflix. Yet despite her accomplishments, TROLLS have the gall to pretend to care about her health and to publicly shame her for her size. I did TWO rants about it on Facebook live – here and here.
As I took a stand for Lizzo to not let herself be policed by trolls, I bumped into my internal haters. My trolls are about my hair, my nose, and my butt.
When I was 12, my birth mother, as an act of violence, maliciously cut my long jheri curl off to bleeding bald patches. She called me bad names, ridiculed my big nose, and said I was ugly.
Because I grew up unprotected, having a curvy derriere drew unwanted attention from grown men who felt they had the right to grope and fondle. To circumvent them, I wore a headscarf and big clothes so people couldn’t see my body.
Sometimes my covers kept me safe.
Other times not.
First I resented my female body. But the more it was hurt, the more I hated it. Especially my bum-bum.
As I argued for Lizzo to free herself from the tyranny of her haters, I realized I hadn’t freed myself from mine.
So that is what I’m doing now.
I’m wearing my natural hair WITH blonde tips because I like it!
I’m wearing short shorts even with all my cellulite showing because I love AND approve of me to myself.
I’m never going to be a size two or have Beyonce hips. I have an ass on me that sits high and looks low.
My body belongs to me. The past is gone. Other people’s violence doesn’t get to dictate my pride, pleasure, or joy in my body. God gave me THIS body-
I get to free myself from the personal and historical trauma of being born a Black girl descendant from Black Female slaves whose bodies were not their own.
By claiming my body, I’m healing history.
I invite you to do the same.
I love you.