Dr. Venus Opal Reese

He Wants To Marry Me.

He wants to marry me.
He’s not rushing me.
He’s just helping me understand his intention.

He is teaching me how to cook.
Not in a “barefoot and pregnant” kind of way. But more like fun things we do together.

He nurtures me.
He saw that I didn’t have a television.
So he took me to the store and bought one for my bedroom.

He is getting me a big one for the living room. I don’t think I need it but he tends to take care of me in terms of what he wants for me. It takes some getting used to. 😊

I am growing in making room for him to love me his way. It’s getting easier.

He takes care of me.

He washes my clothes, feeds me with his hands, and bathes me.
Each time he kisses me, Happy climbs up his body to kiss his face. And he lets him. Every time.

He encourages and supports me to keep my routine. I don’t have to sacrifice my prayer life, workouts, or space to be loved by him.

He got a therapist to tend to his wounds so he didn’t act them out on me.

He hired a couple’s therapist to learn how to talk to me so he doesn’t trigger my PTSD.

We play ol’ school video games together.

He makes my heart smile.

I’m learning how to trust and love a Black man.

He wants to marry me.

I’ve never been married to a Black man before.
I have never been so cherished.

I am learning to let my guard down.

He waits on me.

He won’t take money from me.

I tried to buy dinner one time and he flexed.

It shocked me. “You are MY woman. I will take care of the bill.”
I wanted to argue for equal partnership in our relationship, but something in his eyes let me see that this was intimately important to him so fell back.

Am I getting weak?
Soft?
Being a punkass?

Or am I learning to let myself be loved by a Black Man?
Perhaps all of the above.

I don’t know.

He’s a protector and a provider.
I have never been protected or provided for.
He buys groceries.

It’s fun going food shopping with him.
It feels like home.

He let’s me tend to his beard.

I got beard oil and tiny scissors to trim his mustache.
He says it makes him feel loved.

I don’t know if we will get married.

It’s ok if we don’t.

I’ve never been the sort of woman who dreamt of a big wedding to feel complete.

I am very moved and thankful that he sees me and treats me like the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

Very few women, worldwide, will ever experience the level of care he gives so freely and consistently to me.

It heals me.

And for now, that’s enough.

By. Dr. Venus Opal Reese
Date: 10/20/21

Sick To My Stomach…

I feel sick to my stomach.
Overwhelmed.
Nauseous.

I think I’m about to vomit.

My consulting producer has cut a sweet deal with a production company to “shop” Hot Mess Millionaire to networks and streaming platforms.

I should be happy but all I want to do is puke. Cry. Crawl into the closet and hide.

I’m deadass about this.

My stomach is in knots.
My sleep is in the toilet.
My mind is all over the place.

To add insult to injury I need an entertainment attorney. If you know one who has integrity and patience, holla at your girl.

The more I talk to the attorney’s the worse I feel.
I can feel my confidence draining from my soul.
I feel myself regressing to a baby who cries with her whole body because words are too small.

The contracts are labyrinths.

The language includes phrases like “lock-in,” “for life,” and “all rights.” I feel like if I sign, I’m serving 25 to life.

#imfeelingsickagain

I miss touring.

Just being with, training, and loving on my sisters.
Hollywood is stressing me right now.
And yet I know I NEED to walk this out.
I NEED to finish this.

Hot Mess Millionaire on Amazon Prime has over EIGHT MILLION STREAMS IN A YEAR AND A HALF!!!! With a 4.6 out of 5.0-star rating.

I had a production company make a verbal offer within two days and send a contract in less than a week.

I need to finish this.

If I don’t try, I will never know.

God would not give me a dream that wasn’t already manifested in the mind of God.

I must finish this.

“It is finished.”

A rallying cry from Calvary.

Lets me know I’m not the only one who the Call physically hurts.
I must get an entertainment attorney to keep me from signing my life away or walking away from ALL of this!

Pray for me.

I’m clear this is “good” stress but my body doesn’t care. I want to cry, puke, and hide in the closet and rock.

Good stress.
Bad stress.
Stress is stress is stress.

AND my hormones are completely out of wack!! I am getting a new hormone doctor to help me not want to pimp slap people for breathing my fuckin’ air!

I quit today.

I just want Happy and Mr. Mine right now.
If life were a boxing match, today I lost this round.

By: Dr. Venus Opal Reese
Date: 10.14.21

In Love Or Not?

When bad things happen in the past, they can only be healed when they resurface, specifically in one’s current relationship.

Letting myself love another and be loved by a Black Man reveals ALL the places I have been emotionally wounded.

I have to fight to stay.

I know I suck at maintaining my personal boundaries, specifically when it comes to someone I choose to love.

On the streets as well as being raised in violence, personal boundaries were nonexistent. I did, like so many of us, what I had to do to survive.
I don’t talk about it.

It’s too graphic and I don’t want to trigger you. What I can say is the more I let myself love, the more afraid I get about losing myself.

I worry if I am yielding too much.

Accommodating too much.

Putting his wants above my needs too much.

How do I love God, love him, and love me?

I don’t know right now…

In truth, I have never known a love like His.
He fights for me.
He grows to be with me.
He takes care of me even when I block him out of my life for my well-being protection.

Special needs are special.

When I feel my special needs are not being met, I fold in.
Check out.
Leave.

He sends flowers.
Groceries.
Stuffed animals that make me smile.

When he gets triggered, I hear Momma.
I’m back in the streets.
I’m no longer safe.

My chest hurts.
It’s hard to breathe.
I need Happy.

I pray.
I sit with Nanna.
I talk with my therapist.

He is human.
He is healing, too.
He acknowledges his triggers.

We are starting couple’s therapy at his request. “I want to learn how to talk to you so you don’t have to get triggered by me.”
In the past, when triggered, I would drink. I’ve been a dry alcoholic since 3/3/11. I refuse to go back.

I cry in my heart for his commitment to keeping me well.
I didn’t realize letting someone love me, a Black Man, would take me back to the streets.

Back to choosing to stay sober.
Back to reliving trauma that is not His fault.
But at the same time, it’s driving me deeper into my healing and my relationship with God. I worry can I love God and a man simultaneously?

I so quickly over-give when I love.
How do I pace?
How do I lean on God and make room for Him?
I don’t know.

What I do know is that He is willing to put in the work to be with me in a significant long-term relationship. He has his own therapist, as do I, and he found, vetted, and booked our couple’s therapist. I’m discovering I have to continually choose to stay while we learn each other.

My feelings get hurt, though.

Him leaving a room in a huff feels like rejection and punishment. His tone can bring tears to my eyes. Not because he’s being harsh but because I value what he says so much. I endow his words with authority because of his consistency. So when I ask him his opinion, I get crushed if it’s not affirming out the gate.

I think that’s too much love.
It’s too thick.
Too extreme.

My Circle of Trust of sister girlfriends giggle at me and say no it’s not.
That’s being in love.
Am I in love????
#wtf 🤯

Impossible.

I thought in love was joy and romance.
This feels like shit.

It feels like a janky rickety rollercoaster that can fly off the rails into the abyss of Hell at any moment.

It’s too extreme.

And yet, I forgive him every sin.

I soften with him.

I grant him grace I have never granted another.
I don’t know if I’m in love or not.
I do know that he REFUSES to give up on me. On an “us.”
While I have to revisit the past to heal it, I am grateful he is willing to do the same.

Through the tripwires of loving another, I am very grateful for his emotional maturity.

His relentless persistence.
His belief in our love.
I think we are healing together.

As far as I’m concerned, our mutual healing, individually and together, is a gift from God.

And I am grateful.

By: Dr. Venus Opal Reese
Date: 10.06.21

God’s Favor Is Real.

God’s favor is real.
Even for a street urchin like me.
I don’t deserve this life.

I remember an old hymn by Fanny Crosby that had a phrase in it, “saved a wretch like me.” That’s how I feel.

But God.

My life imploded three years ago.
I moved to LA two years ago.
I had a dream of being an artist.

Hot Mess Millionaire was created.
Amazon green-lit the 1st episode.
Amazon declined the rest of the series.

I chose to produce the entire series myself.
I chose to trust God’s whispers.
Over four million streams in less than a year.

Pandemic hit.
Covid shuts down the world.
George Floyd.

Lose my brother to Covid.
#hopeleftwhentorydied

Cocoon in God.
Reread the New Testament.
Prayed without ceasing.

Felt guilty for being alive.
Prayed.
Prayed.
Prayed.

Focused on social change.
Focused on healing.
Focused on having a reason to live.
A purpose that was worthy of my life.

Birthing 100 Billionaire Black Women through technology and content became my reason.

Threw myself into creating my digital platform for and by Black Women at breakneck speed.

Crashed.
Realized I was burning myself out.
Took time to do personal development work.

God said slow down and let yourself be supported.
I created that who I am is the possibility of loving leadership, support, and empowering partnership.

Realized I still had the dream of being a full-time artist.

Realized I didn’t think I had the right to “jump the line” in Hollywood because I hadn’t earned the right by paying my dues.

Realized that God’s favor supersedes all human conventions, timelines, and norms.

Within 48 hours of surrendering my will to God’s will about my artistic dreams, I am in dialogue with a Black Woman producer (with a current hit TV show on air) about walking in/shopping Hot Mess Millionaire into networks and streaming platforms.

Turns out that BECAUSE Amazon said no and forced me to self-produce the Hot Mess Millionaire series, having two best-selling books, and having an engaged tribe of hundreds of thousands of Truth Tellers I can jump the line.

I just signed the shopping contract.

All my social change posts have reached millions of people. Only God could have known that grieving George would have me reach the world.

Only God could take the grief of the loss of my brother and position me as a media mogul in climates LOOKING for Black Women in tech.

Only God could take my brokenness and heal me to the point I no longer have to do it alone.

My consult producer is a gift from God.

She loves God, is great with my PTSD, loves Happy (she has two dogs and a cat!), and empowers my raw truth instead of shying away from it.

My life is a miracle.

Here’s the proof. While in Vegas, a beautiful sister and I were walking toward the ladies room chatting away. When I stopped to ask her her name, she gasps and her eyes teared up.

She recognized me from Hot Mess Millionaire on Amazon.

She said to me my Hot Mess Millionaire Show changed her life. She shared about surviving cancer, her amazing TEDx Talk and her dreams of hosting her own show.

She thanked me for telling the truth.

I offered to take a photo with her and have included it here.

Her name is JayBee please check her out.

She is a sister I want to empower to monetize her mess into millions. She, and sisters like her, inspire me.

Meeting her in Vegas let me know that God is saying to me it’s time.

My life is a product of God’s love.
God’s favor is real.
And I am grateful.

Title: God’s Favor Is Real
By: Dr. Venus Opal Reese
Date: 09.30.21

Fifty Never Looked So Good!

I feel like I’m being born again.
The past is falling away.
What’s arising is nothing short of miraculous.

Mr. 🧡er Lover is taking Happy and Me to Las Vegas for a five-day vacation. So I will be off the grid until next week. But in the meantime here are some highlights of my rebirth look for my 50th birthday.

What do you think of the final look?

I LOVE IT!

My stylist called my look, “Billion-Dollar Blonde.”
I couldn’t agree with her more! 😂😂😂

What do you think?

I love you,
Dr. Venus

Launch App or Receive Love?

I wasn’t supposed to be born.
My daddy stopped Momma from aborting me in her first trimester.
Then she was sent to jail for holding my daddy’s gun.

She even threw herself down a flight of stairs to “lose” the baby.

God said no.

She was released from jail because I grew inside of her. She hated me. She hated that I was born to a man, whom she loved fiercely, she took the fall for.

I look like him.
I have my father’s charisma and the gift of gab.
I flip money fifty ways, just like my daddy.

I reminded her so much of him that when I was 15, she put a gun to me and said, “You’re just like your father. I should have flushed you down the toilet when I had the chance.” She demanded I beg for my life until I peed on myself.

Momma raised me to hate being alive.
So I hated my birthday.

To bear all the pain I affiliate with the 23rd of September, I do big things on that day to forget that I was ever born.

For my 50th, I had planned to launch my tech startup for and by Black Women. I have 40 content creators, 156 (and counting) early adopters, and marketing collateral that is relatable and ready to go! I am poised to disrupt technology by bringing culture to the cloud.

But I’m not launching on my birthday.

Why?

Because I am healing doing this life alone, unwanted, and relating to myself like I should never have been born.

Let me explain.

I declared birthing 100 Billionaire Black Women in the next 5 years through content and technology not too long after the January 6th Insurrection and the Impeachment trials. I was livid at the contrast of how the police treated the Insurrectionists in comparison to the protestors of the Black Lives Movement. There seemed to be a double standard. The Government changed the rules so “they” always win and I was sick of it.

I saw technology as the way to level the playing field for us, sis, so we could set ourselves emotionally and economically free for the next five generations. I wanted to prove that we didn’t need to depend on, go to, or through White Supremacist structures anymore.

I was so adamant about this, I funded the beta with my own cash.

The closer we got to my birthday, the more anxious I became. I could hear Momma screaming ugly words at me.
Stupid.
Dumbass.
Worthless piece of crap.
Should never have been born.
The more I stressed, the harder I worked.
The less I would allow ANYONE to help me.

Until I was so anxious, I crashed.

I took five days to do a transformation course to heal the past that was so loud in my head. Over those five days, I just focused on myself.

I took the time to slow down and realized I was doing everything myself because I didn’t deserve to be alive. Why would anyone want to help a stupid, dumb, and ugly worthless piece of trash? What if people helped me but then threw it in my face, as Momma did? Or use their help against me? Or hold it over my head so I owed them?

As I sat and cried, I realized what was missing was loving leadership– I could lead this project from the space of love not proving others wrong; support–being open to help and giving it to others as an act of love, and empowering partnership– allowing myself to be a team player instead of the hero.

In this created context, my heart healed. Instead of regretting being alive and having a birthday, my heart flew wide open with gratitude and space for how very supported I AM and all I have to do is let people love me.

I now have an experienced and proven tech advisor who is BRILLIANT and Jewish! #inclusivesupport
I’m grooming content creators to be part of my leadership team.
I am doing a kick starter campaign so the project stops being a “me” project and becomes a “we” project.

We will launch the Gurrl App in 2022 to make room for investors, equity partners, advisors, and affiliates.

If you want to come along for the ride, go here: www.TheGurrlApp.com/presale

So instead of burying the self-hate of my birthday beneath a launch, I chose to let myself feel LOVE on the day I was born 50 years ago!

My boyfriend, “Mr. Lover Lover” is taking Happy and me on a five-day vacation to Las Vegas!! Spa day. Cirque du Soleil. Crazy Horse Gentleman’s Club #grownandsexy and SO much more–all starting on the day that used to remind me I should have never been born.

Allowing myself to be loved by an EXTRAORDINARY Black Man makes me think of my father.
My father fought for my life before I was born.
I was loved before I drew my first breath. Perhaps my birth was my father’s greatest accomplishment.

Perhaps all the love my boyfriend LAVISHES on me is the manifestation of my father’s love, received…

What if in me healing and celebrating being born, I am healing the generational wound of Black Love as old as chattel slavery?

Perhaps my boyfriend’s love is the love of God the Father, made flesh…

I don’t know.
I do know my heart is open, unafraid.
Joyous.
Healing makes us whole.
I love you, sis.

Dr. Venus
Title: 🚀Launch App or Receive Love?
Date: 09.16.21
Dr. Venus Opal Reese