Am I going crazy?
Have I given up on life?
Am I lazy, triflin’, or stupid?
(Pause. Deep breath. Still introspection.)
The past, my past, is burning away.
Melting like snowflakes encountering the Sun.
I feel light.
Like I’m not here anymore.
Nothing matters to me.
Not in a negative way.
I just have no attachment to anything.
(Well, except Happy🐶.)
I don’t care about anything except my relationship with God.
God is ushering me through a mosaic of revelations and shedding of all that has come before.
My appetites are changing.
My ambitions are no more.
I don’t want anything.
(That sounds extreme, doesn’t it? Let me try again.)
I am resolved.
I am ordering every dimension of my life to align with my relationship with my God.
My love for my God is all-consuming.
(IMPORTANT NOTE: Please respect my truth even if it is not yours. Please don’t correct me or diminish my belief. It’s just as valid as yours.)
I joined the Potter’s House eChurch.
I LOVE their Foundations Course for New Members!
I am excited by the work of the T.D. Jakes Foundation with their STEAM (science, technology, engineering, arts, and mathematics) Academy.
I am moved to tears by the T.D. Jakes Foundation’s T.O.R.I, (Texas Offenders Reentry Initiative) success rate!
I’m inspired by The Potter’s House tanigible support of entrepreneurship (Good Soil) and leadership (International Leadership Summit.)
I am in complete alignment with Touré Roberts commitment to technology, theology, as well as his embrace of therapy AND prayer!
I am deeply moved by Sarah Jakes Roberts ministry for women to evolve.
I am reimagining my life as a wife to a Black Man who truly loves God, protects my anointing, and loves me like Christ loves the church. #nocompromises
I’m thinking through lending my genius to other people’s/institution’s dreams to reach the world
I don’t have to lead.
I don’t have to be the boss.
I don’t have to own it all of it.
I can partner as well as collaborate with like-hearted and established enterprises to do God’s work instead of going it alone. #strongertogether
Creatively, I’m thinking about making a documentary about Black men and money as well as a docuseries featuring felons making money on the other side of prison.
Healing history and monetizing are my strong suit.
Yes, I’m still committed to my private clients.
They feed my soul.
I’m no longer:
I’m getting off the hamster wheel of trying to get somewhere to be “somebody.”
I’ve already done that.
And I won.
If I died tomorrow, I’m already in history books, dissertations, music, libraries, and immortalized on social media and Amazon and television.
I don’t want what I have already done before.
None of it.
It’s over and I am complete.
I just want God.
I want to continue to fulfill God’s will for my life.
Maybe I AM going crazy.
In the sense of giving up all I have identified myself as, such that there is no “me” anymore.
No wonder I feel so discombobulated.
My identity is being crucified.
In a very existential way, I am being reborn.
And I am so deeply grateful.