Archives for September 2020

Stopping traffic. Just.Because. I. Can. #sexygirlflex

Had breakfast with my baby boy. 🐶 #getoffmyplatehappy

People parting like the red sea to watch me walk in my authority. #lookbutdonttouch

Sexy 28-48 year-olds from both teams trying to holla. #justsaying #queeraf

1st day as 49. #Godsfavorite

This is a great start to the rest–and best– of my life. #blessed #Godisfaithful

Happy Birthday to me. #selfapproval #selfacceptance #selflove #ichooseme

Oh yeah… About last night…

Thank you Courtney & Derrial for making my 49th birthday a night to treasure. You are the best sort of friend to have when a person moves to a new city with no family or friends. Thanks for ensuring I wasn’t home alone on my birthday. I thank God for our friendship. Thank you for your silliness and for enveloping me into your warm friendship. I’m moved by your generosity and I LOVE your crazy sense of humor. It’s a gift to call you friend.

Happy did great! I was smart enough to bring him food so he wouldn’t eat mine!!! 🐶😂😂😂

Thanks to EVERYONE for making this birthday my favorite one so far! What are we going to do for 50???? 😂🙏🏽😂

I just finished reading a NY Times breaking news article about justice for Breonna. It’s not what I wanted but it is impressive.
$12 million and 12 new practices within Law Enforcement in Kentucky is groundbreaking.

But Breonna is still dead.

Does White Supremacy always solve problems with money?

Historically, Black Women were bought and sold to produce life in order to provide the free labor force that built this country. Now the state of Kentucky is paying Breanna’s family for her life being stolen away because of a botched raid–to the wrong house.

How good can her momma feel spending that $12 million (less after taxes) knowing she only received it because the police wrongfully murdered her daughter? It’s sort of like a slave woman being able to eat and work in the ”Big House” that was bought by selling her children, momma, husband, and relatives to the deep South to a sadistic Slave Driver.

Both situations feel like blood money to me.
I understand that due to Breonna’s boyfriend firing the first shot, her family had little hope of getting a conviction because the police could argue their lives we’re in danger. I also honor the 12 new practices put in place in Kentucky to ensure this type of wrongful death doesn’t happen to someone else. I see these efforts and I understand. And yet, on the inside, I feel a building in my chest of red-hot lava that gets more and more volatile with each passing thought.

Rage.

I’m quietly seething on the inside because ”they” got away with the murder of yet any black life. Presently, there is a Black Man about to be legally executed for stealing a leaf blower but NOT ONE COP goes to jail for ANY of the murders of Black People for centuries?????

I’m tired.

God, please help me.

I know life’s not fair.

I know.

Help me see the good in this.

Help me dwell in your will instead of my feelings.

Help me to remember that every life has a purpose that is your divine will.

Chadwick.
Sandra.
Breonna.

Bless me with your alchemy of turning what was meant to harm actually works for the good of the human race.

I love you, Lord.

And I trust you with my life.

I give this back to you God.

The battle is not mine but yours, Lord.

So I surrender.

I surrender my ”eye for an eye” justice to your divine will. Who knows. Perhaps this $12 million is the beginning of reparations for each family that had a family member murdered by police. Or perhaps the 12 systemic reforms that have so quickly been executed in Kentucky will sweep the States.

Perhaps this is what social change looks like.

Perhaps justice comes in many forms.

Perhaps…

Thank you Breonna for dying in order to move the human race forward. Please rest in peace as we keep fighting for liberty and justice for all.

…

Sometimes I get angry with God.
I just don’t understand.
Nipsy.
Kobe.
Chadwick.

Good men.
Amazing Black Men who had matured into the sort of man who made you proud simply to be Black.

Forgive me for what I’m about to say: why does God take the good ones? The Black Men who take fatherhood seriously? Who understands that they are the ones who teach Black daughters how precious they are and who teach Black sons they are more than their ability to make babies and ego?

I sometimes wish God would pull out some Old Testament justice and just smite those who do more harm than help.

Just strike down White Supremacy in Blackface:

Tim Harris.
Larry Elder.
Kanye West.

Forgive me. I know they would just be replaced with others who have the same White Supremacist ideology. I know and yet I feel so cheated. Chadwick was exquisite. As a Black Man, a citizen of the world, a father, and a husband he graciously epitomized the best in all of us.

No, I did not know him personally.

But I learned to be proud of me and my heritage through his body of work. Marshall. 42. Black Panther. The roles he played were a reflection of his character: uplifting. Humble. Complicated. Inspiring.

He showed us a dignified version of Black Masculinity. So often Hollywood only cast Black Men in stereotypical roles: gang member, drug addict/dealer, deadbeat father, thug or criminal. Chadwick’s body of work is remarkably devoid of most of that positioning.

So it is with great sadness and deep respect that I now bow my head in prayer, honoring the life and legacy of a man who made four major films while fighting for his life against colon cancer.

43 is so young.

I called Nanna about my anger and confusion with God. She listened gently and said, ”Only the good die young.”

”Why Nanna?”

She paused and then said softly, ”Because it would break their heart to see what has become of their life’s work. Could you imagine how Dr. King would have felt if he had lived to see what has been done with his legacy? What he gave his life to? The good come to this earth, do what God has assigned them to do, and leave complete.

“Chadwick’s work was done. Black Panther changed the world. It gave us something we had never had: a king we could be proud of. He did good with his life, Venus. He made it count for something bigger than himself. He, and everybody involved in that movie, not only made Black beautiful but also mainstream. Black people have never had a depiction of Africa so positive and beautiful. Not on this scale. And not as a lead superhero. He did what he came here to do. Don’t be angry with God. Be thankful that God gave Chadwick to us for 43 years. That’s 10 more years than Jesus,” she chuckles. I do too.

Then I cry.

I grieve.

I mourn.

Thank you, God, for blessing us with Chadwick for 43 years. Thank you for his body of work.
And thank you for taking him away from his pain. Thank you for taking care of his family as they grieve and adjust to a life without him.
Thank you for taking care of his Hollywood Family as they grieve their loss.

Help us, Lord.

In this season when Black Men are being gunned down in the streets by Police, the pandemic numbers continue to rise, and the upcoming election becomes more and more contentious, help us rest in you.

Help us to remember the good in people. Good people. People like Chadwick. May we all have a little of Chadwick’s goodness in us, come forth as we move history forward.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen