Archives for July 2020

On July 22, 2020, Tory Lorenz shot Megan Thee Stallion twice in the foot while she was exiting his car. This is a Black Man shooting bullets into a Black Woman’s body. Megan dances. Her feet are as important to her livelihood as a surgeon’s hands.

Black Men hurting Black Women, beating, raping, shooting—even killing us didn’t just start. It’s been here since Reconstruction.  

Violence against Black Women has been tolerated due to social systems that have kept Black Women dependent on Black Men in a myriad of ways:  financially, familial/racial/cultural loyalty, and low self-value. We have been trained to forgive.

We’ve been rewarded for being able to “take a hit.

We’ve been socially punished for speaking up with being ostracized, shamed, or told we brought it on our selves.

All of this positioning to justify violence against Black Women is the same justification used during Slavery to justify it. Black Masculinity in North America was born in the rotten belly of White Supremacy. Simply put: Black Men do you as what White Supremacy did him.

The more I contend with and deconstruct the reopened trauma of North American Chattel slavery, White Supremacy, and systemic racism, the more grace I have for the Black men in my life.

The murder of SO many Black men being caught on camera—visually invading my life, my psyche, and my false sense of safety—has revealed to me just how much quiet resentment I held toward Black men. Why? For simply being Black Men.

Let me explain.

I grew up unprotected. Like so many little Black girls. My father wasn’t around and my birth mother had male “friends” with unchecked access. I have known violence at the hand of Black men. I have also known breathtaking kindness at their hands as well. So Black men have never been all bad or negative to me. I come from a violent unprotected background. Violence was our normal. I watched my momma beat some Black Men who beat on her so I never held the violence that was my life as “bad.” It simply was life.

Ironically my resentment of Black men didn’t come from the violence. It came from the failed expectation that as Black Men, they would love, cherish, and protect me. And some did. My Black male friends kept me safe on the streets and in my momma’s house more so than most Black teenage girls. But my father—he loved me enough to keep my momma from aborting me, but not enough to stay. So my relationship to Black men has been ambivalent: my father loved me and left; so will you.

There is a social construct that is the very fabric of American society: Fathers protect and provide for their children. That agreement requires the father  to be present in the lives of his children. And because my father loved me but left me, I don’t hate Black Men: I resent them for not being “white.”

Hold up—let me finish.

I don’t mean “white” skin or privilege. I mean white standards of masculinity. Think the dad from the television show, Father Knows Best or, even The Cosby Show. The fathers in both shows model the hetero-normative patriarchy that positions the father as protector, provider and, this is the rub, accountable.

I have NEVER had a Black Man be accountable for me in that, “father knows best” kind of way. I have never known his provision or his complete protection. So I have, in the tradition of hurt Black Women, related to Black Men as transactional.

I had in a lot of ways turned Black Men, as a collective, into a commodity, a service provider—be it in business or in the bedroom. Black men were functional. Utilitarian. Disposable.

George Floyd was cavalierly executed by the police while the world watched.  The police had their hands in their pockets as if taking almost nine minutes to watch the life pour out of George’s body on camera was of no more consequence than getting one’s car washed. They treated him, as they ended this imperfect Black Man’s life as if he were disposable.

Just like I had.

I cried for weeks after George died but didn’t comprehend, beyond the obvious, why I was so traumatized. I had seen death before. So why was this different? In one stroke of red hot self-honesty, I realized what I was waking up to.

I had taken on the white supremacy ideology that Black Men don’t matter. They are only as good as they are useful. If they can’t provide some sort of service then their lives are worthless to me. This was an ugly reckoning. It gets worse. Not only was I relating to Black Men from my internalized White Supremacy, I confronted that this sort of disregard of Black Men was the EXACT same disregard Black Men have been battling against since 1619.

That’s seven generations of “dance nigger or die.” “Pick that cotton or die.” And in my case “protect and provide for me or you are (emotionally) dead to me.”

So as I take on addressing the impact White Supremacy has had on Black Masculinity, I am also dismantling my gender bias against Black men and yes, my White Supremacist ideology about what a “father” should be. Black men, including my Daddy, are human beings. They are imperfect, just like I am. And they have the same historical wounds and cultural traumas from being the descendants of North American Chattel Slavery as I, albeit different. But up until this time I was so trapped in the unfulfilled expectation of the white patriarch ideal of “father” I didn’t account for his emotional traumas from slavery.

So I apologize to every Black man who has touched my life. And Daddy, if your still alive and read this, please know I realize now that your inability to stay is a wound of slavery. I understand now how disappointed you have been with yourself because you couldn’t protect and provide for me. So you had to stay away just to survive yourself. I get it.

Please forgive me, Black Man, for dismissing you and your hurts as less valuable than mine.I love you. I apologize. And thank you for all the times you did provide and protect me. I would not be alive without you. Daddy, I love you. Thank you for giving me life and for saving my life. I am my father’s daughter.

I bare your brilliance and your wounds with equal pride.

What does it mean to love Black Men who wear the wounds of White Supremacy, Slavery, Bigotry &/or racism (pick your poison) like emotional armor?

As we watch Black Men be hunted, hung, & murdered, trauma keeps pimp slapping us. Especially when you try to help a Black Man & he turns YOU into the enemy.

Or the verbal punching bag.
Or the emotional whipping post.
How do you love him without fear of being attacked?

My point is this: domestic violence has escalated since quarantine and White Supremacy has shown its ass. I’m NOT willing to sit back & allow White people trash to take MORE Black Men from me, because they don’t even know they are reacting to historical wounds. Black Men think they are reacting to Black Women – AND we think they are too!

But what if they’re not?
What if they are in a dance with White Supremacy that defines their masculinity?

I don’t know, but it’s worth exploring.

Watch this week’s livestream about Black Men and White Supremacy.

Use these resources to EDUCATE  yourself and to empower you to let your vote be your voice! Start with the top two NOW!

• Register to vote online (Make sure you check to be sure you are registered!)
• Can A Felon Vote? – Felon voting rights by state by Robert Gomez

Here are the resources:

• How America perfected the ‘art of demonizing Black men’ by Quentin Fottrell
• The problem is white supremacy by Barbara Smith
• Makes Me Wanna Holler: A Young Black Man in America by Nathan McCall
• One Way To Be An Ally Right Now? Support Black Mental Health by Jillian Wilson
• When Black Men are Harassed by Adia Harvey Wingfield
• White Rage: The Unspoken Truth About the Racial Divide by Carol Anderson
• Glory starring Denzel Washington
• I’m Not Your Negro (James Baldwin’s words/Samuel L. Jackson’s voice)

What does it mean to love a Black Man
who wears the wounds of history like armor?

I see you, Black Man.
And I am proud and scared of you.
At the same time.

Not the fear that White supremacy circulates.
Like recycled garbage.

I am proud of you because of your wherewithal.
I am afraid of you for taking your hurt out on me.
In various ways. At various points. In history.

Leaving me.
Blaming me.
Brutalizing me.
Villainizing me.
Betraying me.
Sabotaging me.

Sacrificing my heart for your pride.

I have loved you all my life.
And each time I reached out my hand to save you, you gnawed it off because of some slight offense, that I could never have known.

How can I love and protect you, when you lash out at me for what they did/do to you?

I am not a White woman.
I don’t have long blonde hair.
Big breasts and a carefree throw away laugh.

I am not stature.
I am true.
To you.
In ways rooted in blood.

I love as hard as you.

I know slavery murdered your masculinity. It became easier to leave or shut down instead of feeling the depths of your disappointment with yourself.

I know the violence acted out on you, became the twisted reenactment of power you acted out on me.

I know. I know. I know.

I see you. I see your pain.
And it gives me patience with your pettiness.

I feel you. I feel your shame.
For not being able to provide for me as you see
White men do for theirs.

Provision and protection = manhood to you in so many ways.

I understand the handicap.
And I don’t penalize you for it.

But you hurt me when you are hurt.

Your absence haunts me.
Every day I pray for you.
Every night I hold you close in my dreams.

White supremacy is gunning for you.
And if I could, I would put my body
in between you and their bullets.

Like Jesus on the cross. I would give my life for you.
I already have.
But you don’t see that.

You don’t see it. My heart, beats. ONLY. For. You.
It always has.
It always will.

But I can’t save you.

Baby love. Angel.
Love of my life.
You have to heal.

You have to love you more than you love your pride.
You have to value you more than you value respect.
You have to access the God that is you and set him free.

And when you do, my Beloved, brilliant, beautiful Black Man…
I will be here.
Waiting for you.

I want you more than I want this life.

But I need you whole.

Today I give honor to our Black Men—enslaved and free—who fought or died for two causes: America’s independence and freedom from slavery. Black soldiers fought on BOTH sides of the battle. They chose based on which side promised personal freedom. And they fought with valor, selflessness, and dignity.

Because of the public execution of George Floyd and the protests since, I’ve been focusing on sharing historical truths to combat the lies used to discredit Black people. These lies, omissions, and defamations of character are positioned as justification for murdering Black Men and Women in vicious ways. It’s an old trick—paint us as less than human thereby tending our lives as disposable.

But we are not disposable. We are indispensable. We always have been. The Revolutionary War is a historical moment that without Us, there’s no guarantee we would be celebrating the 4th of July today.

I share below four incredible resources that will make you proud of Us. Knowing my people fought for both America’s independence and freedom from slavery transforms my relationship to the 4th of July. I’m former military as well.

Yes, White Supremacy used our bodies as human sacrifices to gain freedom from the British and reneged on its promise of full citizenship for all who volunteered to fight. This is not as surprising as it is hurtful. Betrayal by White People, the lack of integrity for comfort is with us to this day. What makes me proud is OUR integrity. The way we stand for what we believe. The way we fight—with honor and truth. Not with blatant lies and trickery. Unto death.

So as we gear up for November, I invite you to remember (and in some cases meet) our heroes from the Revolutionary War.    
Don’t let ANYONE tell you other wise.

This land is OUR land.
We Built it.
We Fought for it.
We Died for it.

Our Black Forefathers fought for our freedom from the very beginning of this country.

Now it’s time for us to finish the job.

I love you.

RESOURCES:
“What to the Slave Is the 4th of July?”: James Earl Jones Reads Frederick Douglass’s Historic Speech
Black Soldiers In The Revolutionary War
Blood & Citizenship: Black Soldiers And The 4th Of July
Black Heroes of The American Revolution (this is a fun and inspiring read)

White Supremacy don’t give a $!@&# about ANYTHING to stay in power.

EVEN against their own WOMEN!

In 1987, “The Birth Dearth: What Happens When People in Free Countries Don’t Have Enough Babies?” was published by Ben Wattenberg. He argued that in order to keep White People as the majority, more White babies needed to be born.

If that meant criminalizing Black People, so be it.

If it meant robbing White women of their right to choose, have at it.

My point is this: White Supremacy don’t give a $!@&# about ANYTHING to stay in power.

Pandemic.
Protests.
Noose at NASCAR.
Voter suppression.
You name it.

These cowards are pulling out ALL the stops.
Which means they are desperate.
Grasping at straws.
Old tactics that no longer have the power they use to have.

But in order to ENSURE our victory, you must LEARN THE LOGIC of White Supremacy.

Why?

So you can speak BACK to the enemy instead of reacting to their click bait.

White Supremacy is more than an ideology. It’s a cult. A disease. A sickness that is so ingrained in the sense of self of those who drink of its poison, will go to extremes–including suicide, murder, genocide–you name it, in order to keep itself in existence.

It’s impossible to win any battle if you are fighting the wrong thing. It’s sort of like climbing a mountain, reaching the top, and then realizing that your ladder was against the wrong mountain!

The video above is going to break down the logic of White Supremacy through the lens of “perceived violence” vs “proven” violence.” The more you know what you are fighting the quicker our victory is won.

Watch the video and check out the resources.

1. Register to Vote online (PLEASE CHECK THAT YOU ARE REGISTERED!)
2. Can A Felon Vote? – Felon voting rights by state by Robert Gomez

RESOURCES:

1. Why White Reform Isn’t Enough
2. Jane Elliott – All White People Are Racist. Here’s how it can be fixed.
3. The Birth Dearth (IMPORTANT)
4. White Supremacy Culture
5. 10 Things Everyone Should Know About White Supremacy by Chauncey DeVega
6. The Language of White Supremacy by Vann R. Newkirk II
7. With Hate in their Hearts: The State of White Supremacy in the United States